New Shoes

So here I am, living in a new city, working at an actual job, looking for a new church and finding new friends.  As of last night, I am also the proud new owner of a pair of these grey Converse All-Stars.  I think they’ll be my mascot or something for the beginning of this new season.  They just seem to fit well.

Let me tell you, there have been many times in the past two weeks and the months leading up to the move where I stopped and asked myself, “Why am I doing this?  Why am I leaving all my friends and family, these people I love so much, to go to a place I don’t even care about?”  Honestly, I don’t think I’ve found a good answer yet.  But it’s coming soon.

This has been a time of discovery for me.  I’ve discovered that God really does provide in amazing ways(not that I didn’t know that before, but He continues to amaze).  I can rely on Him for all of my needs.  He is my source, my strength, my light.  Through this lonely time, He remains my best friend.

I’ve done a lot of driving around this past week, going to see monuments and memorials, malls and shopping centers, walking through streets and parks.  They’ve all been okay, but none of them can compare to my relationship with God.  I truly am not of this world.  I am a stranger in a foreign land, come from a kingdom far greater than we can imagine.

Actually, God does have people here.  I’ve found some.  Walking into JHOP DC a couple nights ago felt like the closest thing to home I’ve felt in a while.  National Community Church this morning(even though I missed half the service) was also a great encouragement to me.  God really is everywhere.

“So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God.”–Ephesians 2:19

Uprooted

Moving is hard.  It really is.  I found myself on Sunday, weeping with the knowledge that it might be my last day ever worshiping with these amazing people I call my church family.

Understand, I found God here in Tallahassee.  Two years ago, when I was at my lowest backslidden state, these people were here to challenge me, pick me up, lead me to the cross and grow alongside me.  I’ve put down roots here: roots that are not easily pulled out.

I know that the investment they’ve made in me will forever remain in my heart, and the investment I’ve made in them will stay here.  God is making a transplant, and it goes exactly according to His greater purpose.  It seems that all of me was poured out here in Tallahassee, on a large metaphorical altar.  God is now taking that sacrifice and using it to feed other souls in a new city.

I will never forget these amazing people of whom I am privileged to be called a friend.  Heh, look at me talking… our lives have only just begun!  God is taking us to greater places!  Whether together or apart, our hearts are forever united in Christ.  He holds us all safely in the palm of His hand.

“The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.“–John 3:8

Love and Death

There is a connection between these two realities, love and death.  They are connected on a level deeper than I can now comprehend.  It is a Divine mystery, one which I fully intend to search out.  How much does God love me, and how much can I love God?  I believe the answer to both questions lies in the extent of our embrace of death.

I believe there are two different types of death which we must learn to embrace, if we seek perfect love: His death and mine.  His is most important, but mine is just as important.  For you see, He loved me first.  But if I don’t love Him back, our love is non-existent.

We look to the cross then, the epicenter of Divine Death and Love.  God loved us so much that He died.  That is one thing I have not yet comprehended fully. Regardless, it is something Jesus invites us to partake of.  We must eat of the body that was broken for us and drink of the blood that was spilled.  We must embrace His death if we hope to love Him.

Next comes our death.  I’m not talking about a physical death; we could physically sacrifice  ourselves and the act be completely meaningless(see 1 Corinthians 13:3).  No, what I speak of is entirely spiritual.  You see, there’s a thing called “self,” and it’s something we must get rid of if we want to follow Jesus.  Every selfish desire must be laid down: every sin or distraction or dream that hinders love needs to die.

Don’t worry.  It may seem scary or unfair at first, but the blessings of God are infinitely better than any of our own worldly pursuits.  You miss nothing when you choose to love, to lay down your life for the sake of God and others.  You receive the greatest gift of all: an amazing relationship with your creator.

“Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.”–Psalm 116:15

Why Do I Love God?

I was just pondering this question the other day.  I was thinking about how God unconditionally loves me, and if I could do the same for Him.  He did die for me, after all.  It’s an amazing question, and one which I think everyone should should have to answer.  And are there right and wrong ways, right and wrong motives for loving God?  I wonder.

One of the first reasons that I thought of was that I am commanded to love God.  That’s very true(Duet. 6:5).  Although, I think it’s much more than that.  You see, God always commands us to do things that are good for us.  Following His commands shouldn’t be a chore, if we’ve received the heart of them.  And if love was just a command, it wouldn’t be a very deep love at all.

Anyway, we’re not under the bondage of the law anymore.  We’re under grace(Rom. 6:14).  With the new covenant created by Jesus’ death on the cross, we have grace, forgiveness and victory.  So, is that why I love God?  Do I love Him because He’s given me so many blessings?  Well, yeah, but I don’t love Him just for what He’s given me.  If that were the case, He’d just be buying my affections.  No one, especially God, would want that kind of shallow, one-sided love.  In addition, we’ll all have trials and suffering at some point.  If the benefits are the foundation of our love, it will quickly dissolve in those times.

No, our love for God should be very simple, I think.  It shouldn’t be out of a sense of obligation or legalism.  He is Love.  When you know who He is, I don’t think you can help it.  He’s very lovable.  I love God because I believe He is who He says He is.  He is God, and He is good.  He is the Lover, and I am His beloved.  We just love each other. I think it’s as simple as that.

“And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”
–Hebrews 11:6

Do Not Lose Heart

What does depression do?  Where does depression hurt?  It’s your heart.  It makes you lose heart.  I have friends who are struggling with this horrible, deadly disease, and I can say that most times I feel powerless to in any way help them.  It is almost unfathomable to me, how anyone could be so down, especially Christians who are supposed to know the ever-reaching love of God.  It’s frustrating.

But you know, I have the love of Christ in me.  So I know that I won’t ever give up on them.  I can be there to encourage and to pray.  I can come against any and every evil spirit of pride, hate or depression that’s taken a hold of my brother in Christ.  I just wish something would really happen, like drastically.  And I can’t see much progress.  I wish God would work faster, but I must trust in His perfect timing.

There’s only so much encouragement I or anyone else can give.  There is a limit to our human abilities, our medical remedies.  But there is no limit to the glorious power of the Spirit of God.  He places light and hope into our hearts.  He transforms us from the inside out.  He does it for me, and He does it for the suffering people around me.  My role as an intercessor is this: to lift them up into the hands of God and let Him do His perfect work.  It’s hard sometimes, but I’ll keep praying.  Because that’s what love is.  Love doesn’t give up.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”–2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Do Not Love The World

I wonder sometimes, what kind of anointing the early apostles had?  How could they, mere fishermen-turned-students, end up transforming the world the way they did?  I think it was because, they believed.  They knew personally, intimately, the God whom they served.  The Holy Spirit dwelt within them.  They had a commission and a mission field: to make disciples of the entire world.

Funny thing is, we have all those same things.  So why don’t we have the same anointing?  There must be something more than these.  I think, maybe, it’s our character.  Has anyone ever heard of faithfulness or humility?  How about holiness and consecration?  Can we do the little things, or are our heads too full of extravagant dreams to realize we’ve never left the starting line?  Are we too proud to learn or to accept correction?  Are we in love with the world and the things of the world?  Can we say we belong to God when we are too busy pursuing pleasure to pray?  I’ll let you answer for yourself.

There is a strange extreme nature to the gospel.  His name is Jealous.  He will not share you with any other lover.  Love what He loves: Himself, yourself, other people, and the rest of His creation.  Hate what he hates: rebellion, pride, injustice, and all other forms of sin.  It’s a different way than what I’m seeing now.  And I’m not telling you to never watch TV again.  I’m just making an observation: if we really lived for Him, I don’t believe we’d  be watching much TV.

“And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”–1 John 2:17

Love is the Commandment

I was studying the book of 1 John last night, and one thing became very clear to me.  Love for God and love for our brothers are entirely connected.  Now, I love God and my brothers(I’m on the right track!), but definitely not as much as I could.  The good news is, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness if we confess our faults.  That’s amazing!  If we continue to walk with Him, it is impossible to keep sinning.  The reason?  We love because He first loved us.  Jesus Christ is the Savior.

This is my prayer, that I could love others the way Jesus did, not just in word, but in deed and truth.  I know now more than ever before, that I will.

“By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”–1 John 3:16

A Lion in Sheep’s Clothing

I hope you’ll allow me to share a personal struggle.  It’s something I’ve tried to deal with on my own for many years, and I know I could really use your prayers.  And who knows, maybe some of you are dealing with something similar.  Maybe my discussion can be of some use to you.

Here it is: I think I’ve “hit a wall” in a very real spiritual sense.  This wall’s name is Fear.  I’m actually a little glad I’ve hit it.  That means I’ve come far enough along to realize its presence.  Of course, I’d be happy if it wasn’t there.  Actually, I’d be happy if I never had another struggle in my life, but that’s not the way life works.  In this life, there are struggles, and I must learn to conquer them.

Over the past year or so, God has been bringing this issue to the forefront of my consciousness.  I’ve even received prophesies from complete strangers, pointing this out: that a Spirit of Fear has its hold on me.  How can I best describe it?  I’ll use the words a good friend of mine prophetically spoke over me Sunday:  I am a lion in sheep’s clothing, and the devil is holding the zipper shut.

Ever since I was young, I’ve felt the call of evangelism on my life.  When I first got to FSU, I’d have dreams and visions of me preaching on corners.  When I first read the Bible all the way through, the verses on preaching, like Romans 10:14, seemed to jump off the page at me.  It seems like every day I’d have an urge to share the gospel with someone.  But most times, I’d ignore the voice of God and give in to fear.  I’ve been disobedient.

I know I have boldness inside!  All of us who’ve been born again do; I’m sure of it.  But we run into these walls.  For some, it may be a wall of anger or bitterness, distraction, apathy or depression.  For me it’s the fear of man.  I’ve come back again from my backsliding to the wall.  Sometimes I feel like I’m just chipping away at it with a pencil.  At least I’m trying those times.  Sometimes I miss on purpose, demonically content with doing nothing.  I look back on those times with sadness, because I know I’ve grieved the heart of God.

Why not obey?  Why not have faith?  Why not take a stand?  There is no logical reason why I can’t.  I know the God I serve is much, much bigger than any wall I will ever face.  I must repent.  I must trust in Him.  Please pray for me.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”–2 Timothy 1:7

Jesus, Reality

I have eternal life.  And so can you.  It’s easy.  Just give everything.

Receive Everything.

Why is there war?  …
Why do we kill each other?  …
What is honor?  …

What is Love?  Jesus.  Know that one… not well enough.

Think for a minute, for a day.  We are here for much, much more than we know.  People are hurting, you know.  We are here, and God is in us.  What does that make us?  Servants.

Let your heart break for this world.  His does.

It’s raining.  When will the sun shine again?

“Jesus wept.”–John 11:35

Eternal Life

I don’t know what most people think when they hear the term “eternal life.”  Perhaps they think of heaven, that wonderful paradise where we all end up when we die.  That’s good, I suppose.  That’s definitely part of it.  But it misses the point, I think.  It tells us where but not Whom.

The Whom, you see, is Jesus Christ, the One who gives us that life.  I believe eternal life is less about the where and when and approximately all about Jesus.  In fact, according to 1 John 5:20, Jesus = eternal life.  Did you know that you can have eternal life right now?  Yes, it’s true.  Jesus died and rose  again.  He is alive right now, waiting to come back to a pure and spotless bride who loves Him with everything she has.

If you’re going to believe in Him, then get to know Him.  Love God.  A shallow “belief” is worthless.  Just read John 8:31-59, and note verse 31.  They were “believers,” but Jesus knew their hearts.  If you are offended by His Word, check your heart.  You may think you’re a good person, but if you don’t really know Him, you’ll be in for a shock when you enter eternity.

Eternal life is knowing God.  There’s a reason why the first commandment is what it is (Duet. 6:5).  Eternal life starts now.

“And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true; and we are in him who is true, in his Son Jesus Christ.  He is the true God and eternal life.  Little children, keep yourselves from idols.”–1 John 5:20-21