Last Tuesday during communion, I had a vision. It was a little weird, so bear with me. In fact, I had no idea what it meant until I started reading through the Bible. Here it is:
There was a giant screwdriver in the sky. It started spinning like a drill. While spinning, it fell to the earth and dug through the ground. The ground was actually the ceiling above me. I was in a completely orange space with no walls or boundaries. I was standing there, and when the screwdriver fell down, I looked up. It drilled into my right eye and blinded it. The screwdriver then started falling gently into my left hand, but it shrunk down and disappeared before it got there. I then fell to my knees, blood showering from my right eye.
Okay, so weird, right? I thought so too, and I had absolutely no idea what it meant until Thursday morning during my devotions. This was the last verse I read during my out-loud reading time:
“Woe to the worthless shepherd,
who deserts the flock!
May the sword strike his arm and his right eye!
May his arm be completely withered,
his right eye totally blinded!”
Well, that whole “right eye being blinded” thing immediately made me remember my vision. The arm being whithered wasn’t there, bit that still got me thinking: am I a worthless shepherd? Was God somehow warning me to be a good leader or else? Maybe it was a second chance from God. Maybe because my arm was spared, I wasn’t a completely bad leader and could still redeem myself. All these thoughts were going through my head until today.
Today , while cleaning out my wallet, I discovered an old note I’d been thinking about. It had been given to me at Victory Weekend last semester, and I hadn’t looked at it since. On it were three prophecies given to me that weekend. I realized that I hadn’t even read the verses that had been given to me yet, so I did that right away. The first verse on the note was Ezekiel 34. This is the gist of that chapter: God was removing the shepherds of his people because they were doing a terrible job. This is the powerful part, though: in their place, God Himself was coming to shepherd His people. God would be the one to judge them. God would shower them with blessing. God would provide safety. God would save them.
Here’s what I’ve gotten from all of this revelation so far: I suck as a leader, and God is the most awesome leader ever. That’s an encouraging thought, because if you didn’t know, God lives in me! I have the Holy Spirit to lead me and guide my steps. All I have to do is let go of myself. That’s really hard sometimes, but I just need to remember the difference between God and me. I am nothing. He is everything. It just puts things in perspective, you know? In closing, I give you my other verse from Victory Weekend:
“Once, having been asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, Jesus replied, ‘The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, “Here it is,” or “There it is,” because the kingdom of God is within you.'”