Crush

God’s really been revealing the stupidity and sinfulness of crushes to me.  Maybe it’s just for me, or maybe it’s just for guys, but I really believe that I’ve been caught in a deceitful sinful pattern in my life.  It started way back as far as I can remember, and it’s taken this long for me to actually realize it.

It might be a little strange to hear a 20-year-old college graduate carrying on about crushes, but I really think this needs to be written down.  You see, I’ve always been really shy, especially around women.  And lust is a real thing.  I think the devil tries to twist something good, attraction between people, and change it into something really really bad.  A crush is a lie to yourself, and one of the most deceptive forms of lust.

So what’s the difference between being attracted to someone and a crush?  Sometimes it’s hard to tell.  I’d say a crush is more of a private emotional thing, probably leading to jealousy.  If you find yourself putting your heart into a person you don’t even know, creating a one-way soul tie in your mind around your perception of that person, it’s probably wrong.  Another sign is if you find yourself lying to others about your feelings.  A crush is a private thing grounded in fantasy, and it stays out of touch with reality.

What if your crush gets a girlfriend or boyfriend?  You probably know already.  Many times, it results in you feeling jealous.  What’s the sin count now?  Lust, lies, hate… where does it end?  I don’t know how it is for women, but for guys, why do you not vocalize what you’re feeling?  One of two reasons: either you’re too scared or it’s just lust, and both are sin.  If you know God, you know that we are not supposed to be slaves to fear.  Living in fear is sin.  Are you scared?  Trust God to lead you in what He wants you to do.  If you really like someone, tell them.  Quit playing games with your own heart, and tell the truth.  Being rejected is far better than deceiving yourself.  If you know it’s a lust problem, repent immediately.  Don’t let it go any further; it’s that simple.

If you know what I’m talking about, you know it’s not that simple.  It can be really tough to let go of a crush.  Many times you find yourself just finding another one the next day.  It’s a pattern of sin.  Why do we do it?  Why do we mess with our own hearts?  I think it’s because they’re not in the right place to begin with.  First and foremost, our hearts should belong to God.  We should be seeking after Him, not some fake emotional high we give ourselves at the sake of another oblivious person.  The answer to all this?  Repentance.  We must turn our hearts to God and away from sin.

For so many years it’s been dreams, obsession, fantasy, fakeness: one young woman after the next.  I need to get back to reality.  Only one person can take away sin, and that’s Jesus Christ.  The devil’s had me in this area for WAY too long.  I need to learn to love like God does.  I guess the mere fact that I’m writing this post gives me some hope.  I know that God’s started something good in me, and I know He will be faithful to complete it.

“But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.” -Deuteronomy 4:29

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5 thoughts on “Crush

  1. robertjerome

    I might have to institute a self-imposed moratorium on crushes myself. I have been hurt too many times by liking somebody who is either dating (or married) to someone else or who doesn’t have similar feelings for me. Having a crush is a huge waste of time and energy. They usually drag on because the person who is suffering from the crush is usually too afraid to divulge their feelings to the person they like. All the while the love-smitten person is having fantasies about romantic walks through the park and marriage and growing old together (etc.) coming to fulfillment. When the crushed person realizes that these dreams will never happen their heart is literally “crushed” (hence the etymology of the word can be deduced from this). The result is nothing less than devastating. Depression sets in and is accompanied by days or weeks of brooding. The person who has been hurt oftentimes indulges in nihilstic thoughts such as, “I will never love anyone again” or “I will retreat to my own private island and shut out this world of pain and suffering.”

    I agree with TheFutureMrsHess who quoted the verse from proverbs that says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” One of the biggest problems with crushes is that we often impute our own impressions and desires onto our crushes. We might mistakenly think that somebody is projecting an “available” vibe when there is really some mystery boyfriend (or husband) waiting off in the distance. Once we begin to pursue that person and get our hopes up is exaclty when that mystery partner will show up and make us feel like we’re melting in hot jealousy. Sometimes we might be so infatuated with a person that even if they tell us they are not available we don’t believe them. “She just doesn’t like me and is trying to get rid of me by telling me she’s married,” we might think.

    So, as you can see, having a crush is a little bit like being delusional. Our infatuation with somebody only feeds our irrational, obsessive and delusional thinking and behavior. When–and if–the crush is never fully realized than all of this comes crashing down on our heads in the most damaging sort of way. So we need to keep our heads on tight and not go chasing after fantasies. God (and even though I’m an atheist I’ll indulge the God belief for a moment) created us to love, but we must love wisely rather than recklessly.

    http://robertjerome.wordpress.com/

  2. robertjerome

    In my previous comment I also wanted to point out of some of the callow mistakes in your thinking:

    “And lust is a real thing. I think the devil tries to twist something good, attraction between people, and change it into something really really bad. A crush is a lie to yourself, and one of the most deceptive forms of lust.”

    Wrong. You are equating a romantic/emotional attraction with a wanton lusting after somebody. They are not one and the same thing. “We are not at war with the flesh,” remember? Your black and white abstract thinking is lumping all forms of attraction into the sinful lust category. I think most ministers would consider obsession with pornography, sex workers and loose women to be wanton and unhealthy (i.e. “sinful”). Your overly-strict interpretation of scripture is cutting you off from loving and feeling the very healthy, very human and very natural feelings of attraction for the opposite sex. It is OK and you will not go to hell for having a crush. If you want to only love God and Jesus how are you fulfilling His commandment to “love your fellow humans even as God loves you?” Christians should have mutual duties to God and mankind. (I should know what I’m talking about because I used to be a devout Christian before I became an atheist and I made a lot of the same errors in thinking)

    Hopefully if you stick with your faith long enough (unlike me) you will find your way in the word and not come across as sounding naive and inexperienced. People are turned off by the no-fun version of Christianity and it sounds like that is what you are espousing when you say all crushes are sinful. If you read my recent post on crushes you will see that I agree with you in some ways that crushes are harmful, however, I don’t use religious dogma to justify my reasons for believing this. You should open up your heart and allow love to flow in otherwise your strict adherence to dogma will morph into hate. Then you will end up being the opposite of what a Christian is supposed to be. Your rhetorical grappling with love, lust and sin is too heavy on the forbidding aspects of Christianity. By imposing too many restrictions you make the quest to find a romantic partner a literal minefield of potential pitfalls into decadence. Let me assure you that things are not that way. And nobody wants to hear this message because they can’t live up to these impossible standards.

    http://robertjerome.wordpress.com/

  3. Hmm, I think I agree with you. If I sounded too hard on myself, it’s probably because I was. Just to clarify, I believe romantic love is a wonderful thing, given by God. If it were a sin to feel attracted to someone, we would all be seriously lost. I think by my definition, “crushes” are much more than a strong attraction. When an attraction becomes secret lust and jealousy, is when it becomes sin, I think. I guess I’d define it as that state of leaving your heart open and invested in a fantasy. The Bible says to be sober-minded, so that’s a dangerous place to be.

    I’ll just say it now; I’m not wanting to condemn anyone through this blog. I just want to use this to share some experiences and lessons I’ve learned in my own life. Maybe I hold myself to a higher standard, but I don’t try to condemn myself. I know it’s definitely impossible to be totally perfect in this life. That’s why God’s forgiveness is so amazing. I’m sorry if I make overcoming sin seem so difficult; I’m still just amazed at the power God gives us to live righteously in the first place. It’s pretty great.

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