I hope you’ll allow me to share a personal struggle. It’s something I’ve tried to deal with on my own for many years, and I know I could really use your prayers. And who knows, maybe some of you are dealing with something similar. Maybe my discussion can be of some use to you.
Here it is: I think I’ve “hit a wall” in a very real spiritual sense. This wall’s name is Fear. I’m actually a little glad I’ve hit it. That means I’ve come far enough along to realize its presence. Of course, I’d be happy if it wasn’t there. Actually, I’d be happy if I never had another struggle in my life, but that’s not the way life works. In this life, there are struggles, and I must learn to conquer them.
Over the past year or so, God has been bringing this issue to the forefront of my consciousness. I’ve even received prophesies from complete strangers, pointing this out: that a Spirit of Fear has its hold on me. How can I best describe it? I’ll use the words a good friend of mine prophetically spoke over me Sunday: I am a lion in sheep’s clothing, and the devil is holding the zipper shut.
Ever since I was young, I’ve felt the call of evangelism on my life. When I first got to FSU, I’d have dreams and visions of me preaching on corners. When I first read the Bible all the way through, the verses on preaching, like Romans 10:14, seemed to jump off the page at me. It seems like every day I’d have an urge to share the gospel with someone. But most times, I’d ignore the voice of God and give in to fear. I’ve been disobedient.
I know I have boldness inside! All of us who’ve been born again do; I’m sure of it. But we run into these walls. For some, it may be a wall of anger or bitterness, distraction, apathy or depression. For me it’s the fear of man. I’ve come back again from my backsliding to the wall. Sometimes I feel like I’m just chipping away at it with a pencil. At least I’m trying those times. Sometimes I miss on purpose, demonically content with doing nothing. I look back on those times with sadness, because I know I’ve grieved the heart of God.
Why not obey? Why not have faith? Why not take a stand? There is no logical reason why I can’t. I know the God I serve is much, much bigger than any wall I will ever face. I must repent. I must trust in Him. Please pray for me.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”–2 Timothy 1:7